I Dreamed A Dream

When people are fighting to reach their dreams, I think there comes a time for everyone when they hit a patch where it just seems impossible.  There is just no way that they can succeed and they are filled with doubt.  And there are also times when the dream just starts to fade.  Its there, but the bright, vivid colors that used to make it up, that made it so obvious have dimmed.

I hit that patch recently with my acting career.  It wasn't a really bad patch or anything, but the dream had started to dim.  So basically what I needed was something to jolt the life back into it, to re-inspire me to throw myself at it again.  And the way I got that jolt, was rather surprising to me.

More Than Fiction

So today I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping and decided to run by Bible's Plus to see if they might have anything promising.  Since they severely downsized several years ago, I really don't shop their much because they just don't typically have what I want.  But since I was driving by I figured it wouldn't hurt to look.  I started checking out the books, starting with Christian Living and slowly working my way towards Fiction.  It didn't take very long because the other sections were quite small, so I headed over to Fiction to finish up, hoping to find something.  As I started looking, I paused.  Almost every single book had a picture of woman on it or a couple.  Fiction is the largest section of books there so that was a lot of books that looked very similar.  As I started going through the books I came across a theme.  Nearly every book there was a romance.

A Sheltered Life

Being homeschooled and all there are a lot of times where people ask how on earth I'm able to be social with other people, because, you know, homeschoolers are so sheltered and all.  There have also been people who talk about how much it must have sucked and tell me all the things I missed out on by not being public school.  For the most part, I just smile and nod and say that I really enjoyed being homeschooled.  Most of them just shake their heads like I'm crazy.

The Beauty of Music

I love music.  I think I've mentioned before how my mood can be affected depending on what I'm listening to which generally means that I listen to fairly happy music.  Some of my favorite music though comes from soundtracks.  I think over half my music library is solely made up movie soundtracks and probably half to three-quarters of those are strictly instrumental.  I love vocal music and how uplifting the lyrics can be and those are the songs that really affect my mood depending on whether the lyrics are happy or sad.  But my favorite music is strictly instrumental because 1) no matter what song it is it makes me happy and 2) it inspires and uplifts me like no other kind of music.  I have a few friends who have known me long enough to know that when I'm listening to music and my eyes are closed, I'm listening to one of my soundtracks.  Because those songs don't just inspire and uplift, they also make my imagination run wild.

This Thing Called Love

I started writing this several months ago and never finished it.  I just rediscovered it and decided I would finish it finally. =)  So here it is.

The other day, I was trawling through Facebook just seeing if anything interesting was going on, when I saw a status update from a girl I used to go to college with a couple years ago.  I just stopped and stared at it for a few seconds.  I was completely in shock.  Her words were the same words I had thought to myself hundreds of times over the last few years.  In a way, I was amazed that someone else felt the exact same way that I did.  Honestly, it really isn't all that surprising, but since it was something I'd never talked to anyone about before, it did seem surprising to me.  It was also comforting to know that I wasn't the only person to feel like this:  "Most days I'm content with being alone, but sometimes when I watch a movie or read a book that has a love story in it, or when I see lovers holding hands and kissing, I realize that even though I'm content with being alone, I don't want to be lonely. I think what I'm trying to say is that I want to experience this thing called, Love ♥."

Innocent Till Proven Guilty?

Growing up, whenever fights broke out between kids you would always have everyone blaming someone else.  "He started it, it wasn't me!  It's her fault!  I didn't do anything!"  Yeah, you get the idea.  And then, of course, the kids who weren't involved in the fight would start picking sides.  At that point the teacher would typically tell everyone to be quiet and that everyone was innocent till proven guilty.  That usually calmed everyone down and from there the hunt for the culprit began.

These days, there's no such thing as innocent till proven guilty, other than in court maybe.  For example, so and so is a suspect in a murder trial, there's no hard evidence against him, nothing.  Yet, despite that, he's ripped apart by people who believe that he is a murderer as they call him names, threaten him, etc.

Letting Go Of The Past

I love to write.  I have about six complete journals that are full of my random ramblings and thoughts and what not.  I've written well over 50 songs and poems; if I like a particular poem or song from a book, I'll write it down and store it in a folder.  I've written several short stories, and I'm almost done with one longer short story, and I've started writing at least two full length books.  I love to write.

Now is my writing the best?  Probably not, but the few things I've shared with people have been commended which is certainly encouraging.  But the one thing I've always wanted to do as a writer is to write a book.  Like I said before,  I've started at least two, though I've had ideas for others that just never really panned out.  I started writing those two books when I was in high school, well over five years ago.  I've gone back and forth between them for years now, struggling to write them, seeking advice and ideas, but in the end I would always reach a point where I was too discouraged to continue and so would shelve them once again.  To give you an idea of how hard they were to write, in probably close to six years with the first one, I've written about three chapters.  In four or five years for the second one, I've written one chapter.

Power of a Smile

Earlier this evening while out running some errands I decided to pick up dinner at Dion's.  Not necessarily the best choice, but I really wanted a Dion's salad so I went.  I called in my order as I was heading over then decided to just go through the drive-thru as that was faster than going in.  Now I'll admit that I get Dion's food more than I probably should, so I generally know the couple of girls who are typically on drive-thru when I happen to drop by.

In any case, when I pulled up it was one of the girls that I recognized.  I smiled at her, chatted for a moment, then told her my order.  As she was ringing me up, she suddenly stuck her head out the window and asked me if I would like a drink on the house.  Now I have been going to Dion's since I was kid and I have never once had anyone ask me if I wanted a free drink.  I think she could tell I was kind of shocked cause she laughed and said she was offering because I was one of the nicest customers she had ever served and I always smiled and said thank you.  She said that it was surprising how few people did that and that I had made her night by coming by and being so friendly.  I accepted the drink and she got it for me, gave me my food, and after thanking her, I headed for home.

On the drive home I thought about what had happened.  I was still kind of surprised.  I hadn't been trying to be super friendly or anything, it just seemed natural to be polite and to smile.  I was glad though that that simple gesture had touched her and had made her night better.  It just reminded me that even the smallest gesture of kindness can affect someone, can touch their heart.  I think its a good reminder for all of us.  A smile can seem like such a little thing and oftentimes not worth putting out the effort to do, but I think the effects are well worth the effort. =)

Devil:1, Me:0/For the Love of Teddy

So, this is kind of a double entry about two separate things that also connect.  I could make it into two separate entries, but its almost 1 in the morning, so I'm probably being a bit lazy.  It shouldn't be too confusing though.

So earlier tonight I decided that I wanted to journal about how amazing last night was.  It was just one of those nights that you want to remember forever and want to be able to look back on in the future.  This was different for me.  I used to journal all the time, but for about a year now, I haven't journaled at all.  It used to be just a part of my daily life.  At the end of the day, I would journal about what I'd done, what had happened, things that were on mind, people, etc.  It was just a ritual that came naturally.  Oh, and every one of those entries started with, "Dear, God".  So even if I had forgotten to read my Bible that day or had failed to make the time for it, I still had that time at night when I spent thirty minutes to an hour talking to God and just spending time with Him.  I always enjoy that time because not only was it a good way to vent when I needed to get something off my chest, but I also loved the feeling of just being able to completely open up to someone and have them listen and not have to worry that if I told Him this or that, He was going to reject me.

Dance in the Moonlight

As a child, one of the things I loved about living in Albuquerque, was having a big grassy lawn.  I loved running around barefoot, playing and wrestling with my dog, occasionally star gazing, and just simply laying there doing nothing.  But one of the things I loved most was when the moon was full or almost full, I would go outside and I would dance around barefoot in the moonlight.  I loved how the moon lit everything up with its white light, I loved the whole new perspective it gave to the world.  It was beautiful.

What Would You Choose?

I recently added a new show to my rather short list of tv shows that I watch:  Grey's Anatomy.  I've never gotten into any kind of medical drama before, I typically prefer crime dramas like Castle, CSI, etc.  Still a rather interesting string of circumstances led to be beginning to watch the show and I quickly became hooked.  That being said I am already about halfway through season 6.  Now the way the shows begin and end typically is with a narration from one of the lead characters, Meredith, foreshadowing the theme of the episode.  This is one of my favorite parts of the show because sometimes those narrations are so insightful and true.  But, naturally, they can't put everything into those few moments, so often times there are other things in the show that catch my attention.  Tonight was no exception.

This Is My Body, Deal With It

Have you ever had those days where you feel like something's changed about yourself?  There's that subtle little difference.  Something that used to really bother you suddenly isn't such a big deal.  That person you couldn't stand suddenly isn't quite as bad as you thought.  Yesterday was my day for that change.  It wasn't big and flashy, it was just a moment of, you know what, who cares!

Let me explain a bit more.  It was pretty simple.  I was making homemade macaroni and cheese and discovered that we were basically out of milk which is a fairly key ingredient to making macaroni and cheese.  At that point I had a choice:  I could run to the store and pick up some milk or I could abandon my cooking endeavors.  For most people it'd be a fairly simple choice to simply run over to the store, grab a gallon of milk and run home.  For me?  Well, not so much.  Here's the thing, I don't go anywhere, and I do mean anywhere, without my hair or makeup done.  So to make a simple five minute run to the store for milk, it typically takes me at least thirty minutes to get ready because I have to get a shower, do my hair and makeup, and find something reasonably attractive to wear.  Yeah, pretty sad and pathetic, but true.

Clean? Yeah, right!

I recently started using this music program called Spotify.  Its pretty cool cause I find pretty much any songs that I want and then organize them into playlists.  Its quite convenient for when I'm working on my computer or just doing something in my room and I want to listen to a specific set of songs.  Over the last couple of days I've been organizing and expanding my collection of songs.  One of those collections is what I call my "edgy" songs, basically songs that have cussing in them, talk about drinking and drugs, etc.  They're not the best songs, but I do like to listen to them on occasion.  As I was looking for one of those songs, I saw that there was a "clean" edition available.  So, I was like, cool, I can still listen to this song I like but without the cussing.

I Still Remember

 Last night I was watching an episode of my favorite tv show, a crime drama called Castle.  During part of it, a suspect in a murder investigation gives the cops his alibi for the time when it was believed that his brother killed his own wife who the suspect had dated in the past.  In giving his alibi, he describes where he was that night in great detail from the name of the waiter to the drink he ordered later at a bar, saying, "When something like that happens, its burned into your brain.  Every detail..."

The Influence of the Media

So I've been sick with some kind of stomach bug the last few days which means that I've spent a lot of time just randomly browsing the internet for anything that might catch my eye.  So most people know that two big events happened recently.  The first was the tragic shooting at the Batman premiere in Aurora, Co. that killed twelve people and left many others injured.  The second was the news that Kristen Stewart, star of the Twilight movies, had an affair with the director of her summer movie Snow White and The Huntsman.  Thinking about, even for just a moment, the first event seems to be the one that would garner the most media attention as it was without a doubt the most shocking and tragic.  Families and friends enjoying a movie together suddenly found themselves in the middle of what surely felt like a horror movie they never wanted to be a part of.  In the end twelve people were dead.  A father taking his kids to the movie, a 27 year old man hanging out with co-workers on his birthday, a soldier on a date night with is girlfriend, and perhaps most tragic of all, a little 12 year old girl having a night out with her mother.  The event rocked our country, causing fear and shock that what felt like a safe place of enjoyment and entertainment could turn deadly in a moment.  People were even more shocked when the shooter was revealed:  a young man with a high IQ, no criminal record, and no past history of violence.  There were numerous articles in various magazines, in the local paper, online.  The news seemed to talk about it constantly as well with new facts seeming to emerge daily.  It continued for about a week or so and then a new story broke and it disappeared.

A Single Shard

Is it weird that one of my all-time favorite books is considered a children's book?  Probably, but to be perfectly honest, I don't care.  A story about a young boy who's greatest wish is to learn how to throw clay and create a pot on his own potter's wheel, the reader is drawn into his world where life is difficult, but also happy and full of opportunity if one is willing to work hard, where perseverance is eventually rewarded, and where a single celadon shard can change someone's destiny.

Believe in Me

More and more lately I’ve felt like I’ve been fighting for my dream alone.  More and more it seems like nobody believes in me, that I can succeed.  I’ll read things about people who talk about how there were always those people who told them, “I believe in you.”  All I get is the “you can accomplish anything you want to but you should have a backup plan if it doesn’t work out.”  Except it always sounds like they’re saying “when it doesn’t work out.”  And with my complete lack of any kind of self-confidence, every day is an exhausting battle of yes, I can do it and forget it, I’ll never be anything.  I sometimes wonder what I could do if even one person did tell me “I believe in you.”  I get that an acting career isn’t easy to get into, especially for someone like me, and I get that people are being practical when they tell me to have a backup plan.  I just need that one person who’ll pretty much say, “Screw them.  You can do it, I know you can.  I believe in you.”

Abandon

For the past couple of years my family has been coming to Silverton, CO for vacation.  It is honestly my favorite place on earth and one of my dreams is to be able to build or buy a house out here.  Its one of our favorite vacation spots and we enjoy hiking, four-wheeling, exploring the town, etc.  About two years ago we decided to tour the old jail which was really neat as it had far more than just the old jail.  At the end of the tour there was a gift shop that you could check out.  We ended up looking around for a bit and me being me, I zeroed in on the books.  The one that really caught my interest was titled Abandon.  Upon picking it up I found that it was fiction which really caught my interest.  The brief summary which revealed a story of a mining town where every one of its inhabitants disappeared on Christmas Day 1893 leaving behind all of their belongings, food on the table, etc. fascinated me especially as it went on to describe the group of people who went up to try unravel what happened on that fateful day in 2009.  As I began reading it I was immediately drawn in.  Naturally just as things started to get really interesting, my parents decided it was time to go and since I didn't have enough money to purchase the book, I had to leave it behind.

Two years later yesterday, I went back to the museum only to discover that they no longer had it and moreover, the lady behind the counter had never even heard of it.  But she was able to direct me to the public library, where the moment I mentioned that I was looking for a book titled Abandon, the librarian knew exactly what book I was looking for and promptly found it for me and gave it to me to read.  Between around 4:30 pm till 10:30 that night, I devoured that book.

Things We Learn From Movies

So I haven't particularly inspired to write recently even though there are a number of things I want to blog about.  Serious lack of motivation.  But I was randomly browsing the internet and saw this and thought it was hilarious because so much of it is true.  So I hope you enjoy this non-serious blog!

Don't Let It End

I'm sorry if this post is a bit rambly and weird.  I was just writing as things came to mind, and my mind works differently after I haven't slept all night.  So hopefully it all makes sense. LOL

In any case, I've really come to the conclusion this year that I am really bad with things ending.  Whether that be a portion of my life, a relationship of some kind, a book, a movie, whatever, I just don't handle it well.  And I guess along with that you could say that I don't handle change all that well either.  When my family moved into Albuquerque last year, I struggled with it a lot.  Before everything was finalized for the house, I quite literally spent hours poring over page after page of house listings looking for anything that was closer to the mountains I called home.  And when we finally moved, I cried for days, sobbing into my giant teddy bear, mentally screaming at God every accusation that came into my head.  And I'm still not over that.  Even thinking about it I can feel the lump in my throat and the tears making the computer screen blur.  After a year, I realize that there's still a lot of pain and anger over all of this.  I don't show it as much.  Actually, for the most part I don't think anyone knows how hard some days are.  But there are still nights when I lay awake crying in my bear's fur, screaming at God.  My "theme song" recently has been a song by Taylor Swift called Never Grow Up.  It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard because it's so completely relate-able to so many ages of people, whether it be kids, teens and young adults, or parents.  So that's the really major area in my life that I've discovered that I don't handle change or endings well.

Serving the Lord at Home

A couple days ago I blogged about how I was working at planning a trip to Japan with Samaritan's Purse to help with the rebuilding going on there.  I also mentioned that I wasn't sure if I would be able to go because the page said they were looking for experienced carpenters.  As it turns out, I'm not going to be able to go because I don't have the experience needed, which on the one hand is disappointing, but I'm also really glad because just knowing about it got me really interested in working with Samaritan's Purse period.

Innocent or Not?

Alright, so I did a Harry Potter blog post, now I'm going to do a Twilight one, mostly because I've had several friends recently ask me why I dislike Twilight so much.  Now I'm just going to talk about the books.  If I did the books and movies, it would be a novel, seriously.

To start off with, I've heard numerous parents and other people talk about how they think the books are so innocent which honestly makes me question whether or not they have actually read them.  As far as I can see, there is nothing innocent about these books.  And I'm not basing that just on the fact I don't like these books, but on what I've thought and seen critics and others agree with and also based on what the Bible describes as wrong.  So first I'm going to talk about my personal dislikes of the books and then go into the serious reasons I have issues with.

How Strong Am I?

Ever have that moment where everything suddenly changes and you're trying to decide if something is worth doing after all?  That's kinda where I am.  My mom and I had talked about her going with me to Phoenix, AZ so I can audition for the Biggest Loser.  That way we could have some time off to hang out together and just get away at the same time that I was trying to get a place on the show.  Well, me being me, I kept forgetting to talk to her about it in more detail after our initial conversation.  It was one of those things that I would think about it when I was home and she wasn't and then when she got home I would forget.  I also just didn't see her much.  In any case, when I finally did talk to her about it several days ago, it turns out she thought I had changed my mind and she was going to be working Tuesday through Thursday, right when we were planning to be gone.  My first reaction was to be angry, which was stupid since it was my fault, and my second reaction was to completely freak out.

What's Going Without Saying Should Be Said

So this post might seem slightly random to some people, but to me its really not.  Today my family's having a kind of birthday party for my grandmother on my mom's side.  It's definitely not going to be your typical kind of party though.  First of all, its at an assisted living facility where my grandmother lives.  And second, there's no telling how many of us she'll even recognize.  My grandmother was diagnosed with dementia last year.  That was something new for all of us to deal with, but I don't think any of us were expecting her to deteriorate so fast.  In a matter of months, basically between August till Christmas Day, she went from the sassy, almost bratty, tiny grandma I knew to this feeble, emotional person who called me Esther.  She had no clue who I was or who my cousin was.  Not exactly the best Christmas one would hope for.

Chance of a Lifetime

One of these days I'll stop blogging at midnight, but I doubt it'll be anytime soon.  Pretty much all inspiration comes to me sometime around or after midnight.  It's really bad.

In any case, I did want to share a really amazing opportunity a very dear friend of mine shared with me.  She and her husband have a passion for working in disaster areas to help rebuild.  She just recently got back from spending several months in Japan working at rebuilding homes.  It is truly her passion and she shared that passion with me.  Hearing her talking about her experience made me remember how much I used to love going down to Mexico and doing missionary work down there.  Now granted, Japan is very different since it's Samaritan's Purse and they're doing construction whereas when my church youth group would go down to Mexico, we mostly did VBS and outreach with very little construction work.  Well, as she was telling me about her experience, she asked me if that would be something I would like to do.  My answer:  Heck, yes!

Taking a Chance

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm overweight.  Okay, actually, I'll just be honest, I'm fat.  And it sucks.  But I'm not going to bore you with a really long sob story or anything, because I'm actually pretty excited.  As of two days ago, I am in the running to be on the Biggest Loser.  My parents and friends think I'm pretty much crazy, but I'm really excited and pretty darned determined to do this.  Remember, I'm stubborn.

Pre-registration is done, my application is over half filled out, and my mom and I are flying out to Phoenix on the 20th for some much needed girl time as well as for my audition.  So this was pretty short, but I just wanted to share because I am so super excited to take advantage of this opportunity!

The Only Thing Holding Me Back, Is Me

As I said a few posts ago, I just started my new job a few days ago and while it is one of the most difficult jobs I have had to do just emotionally as well as mentally, it is also the most fun job I have ever had.  Being able to talk to people just one on one and not have to be rushed or be trying to keep a million things straight in my head is just so wonderful.  Also not coming home with my feet aching from standing on them for hours at a time or my back killing me from constantly bending over and lifting heavy buckets or trays is just such a blessing.  I can tell you that my intake of ibuprofen has at least been halved.  But while all of that is amazing, this job has truly forced me to go outside my comfort zone.  Calling people I barely know and asking them to let me come into their house to show them a product is just uncomfortable for me.  So getting the courage to press the send button on my cell phone has become a real challenge.  Also trying not to get discouraged when I don't make a sale is hard.  A lot of people know that I have some self-esteem issues so when I don't make a sale, I just automatically start to kick myself and call myself a failure.  Yeah, I am definitely not my own biggest fan.

Be Blessed and Smile

The last couple weeks I've been going to Calvary's college Bible study for teens.  While there are certain parts of the teaching I just can't agree with, there are two songs in particular that I've fallen in love with.  And funnily enough, they're both by the same artist:  Hillsong United.  So here they are.

The lyrics are just so awesome.  Though my favorite part is the last verse that's repeated.

Just Watch Me

In my post the other day I mentioned that I had finally found a new job that seemed to be absolutely perfect for what I needed.  Just as a recap, I'm going to be working in customer sales selling kitchen products.  So while I was over the moon about it, my parents were both skeptical and they let me know it.  The more they talked about how they didn't think I could do it, it wasn't practical, it was going to be hard, I should just say no and find something else, the more I found that I began to doubt myself.  This job has everything that I was looking for but my parents just couldn't seem to see that.  So instead of being encouraging and supportive, which was what I really needed, they tried to dissuade me.  This was honestly very reminiscent of when I told them I wanted to become an actress and wanted to major in theater when I went to college.  They slammed that down too, but after a year and a half of college where I learned very little and tried three different majors, they finally relented... rather reluctantly.

He Will Provide

Over the past year or so I've been really struggling with my faith, just doubting a lot and being angry at God for various things that have happened.  I've felt abandoned and hurt a lot and I turned a lot of that anger towards God.  But today I was reminded and shown that God does see me and He does care about me.

I quit my job at a local tearoom a month or so ago and have been out of a job since.  Along with that decision to quit my job there, I also decided to quit college.  Whether permanently or temporarily I'm still not sure and will have to see what happens in the future.  With those decisions I started looking for a full time job.  However, with pursuing an acting career, a full time schedule was going to be hard since calls to act as an extra are very sudden and times for rehearsals for a play can vary.  For several weeks I filled out applications and sent out e-mails with my resume attached and basically got nothing back, until yesterday.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Most mornings when I wake up, I have no clue as to what I dreamed about.  And even when I do remember, it's usually just bits and pieces.  But very, very rarely I will have complete recall.  Within the last couple of weeks I've had several dreams that I could remember perfectly.  I won't tell you about them because honestly they don't make any sense and they were just weird, though also quite funny.  Anyway, the one thing that stood out to me was that I was at home in every one of them.  Not home as in our house in Albuquerque, but our old house out in Edgewood.

Trusting Through the Doubt

When I can't sleep or I'm up late reading a book or doing something on my computer, I tend to think a lot.  Tonight was a reading night and now it's almost 2 o'clock and I'm still awake and thinking and looking at facebook.  Now normally I don't look at people's pages all that often.  But tonight I was looking at some friend's pages and a few of them were recently engaged or in a relationship and had pictures up.  Looking at the pictures of them so happy in love I felt that familiar clenching of my heart that's part pain, part jealousy.  And as I kept looking at the pictures of these people that I had graduated with  or were only slightly older than me, I felt all the doubts coming back.  Doubting that God had someone out there for me, doubting that anyone could ever possibly love me, doubting that I could ever truly love someone again myself.  And then there was the jealousy too.  Why did they get someone and I didn't?  Why couldn't I have that?  In a matter of minutes, I was dealing with a full on war between my heart and my head.  My head telling me that I was right to doubt and that my jealousy was rational, reasonable, that my heart was naive.  And then there was my heart telling me to trust God and remember that He has a plan for me even though I can't see it and also telling my head to shut up.

Get Up...and DANCE!!!

Okay, so I woke up this morning and just felt like a zombie.  Granted that's not really unusual but I just felt more out of it than usual.  Soooo, I put on some music and about five minutes later I was wide awake and dancing around my room.  And I figured I'd just share a few of the songs that I really enjoy with you all!  So...enjoy!

I love older music and I really like this song.  Always gets me moving.

Harry Potter: Good or Bad?

If you ask a lot of Christian families what they think of the Harry Potter books and movies, most will likely tell you that they've never read/seen them or let their children read/see them and they probably never will.  Why?  Because for most, Harry Potter is only about magic.  Or at least that's what they perceive.  But is that true?  Is that all Harry Potter is, a whole franchise just surrounding magic?  No.  At least I certainly don't think so.  But, granted, I quite literally grew up with Harry Potter and I've spent over half my life reading and watching it.  To be honest, though, if all it was was magic, I wouldn't have spent all that time reading and watching it.  Now this certainly isn't to bash anyone who is against Harry Potter.  The majority of my closest friends have never had anything to do with it, but what I do want to do is point out the good of it and maybe put it into perspective.

The Beauty Within

One of the things I have struggled with for many years now is my perception of beauty. My heart knows that beauty comes from within and I can see that beauty in others. But when I look at myself, I judge myself by outward appearance. I'm the girl who has to look perfect, who would rather die than go somewhere without makeup. I'm the girl who hates the girl in the mirror, cause I'm not stick thin, my hair's not perfect, there's a small gap in my teeth, etc. I notice every single little flaw.

Act of Valor

Many of you probably know that there is a new movie out now called Act of Valor.  While the movie itself is not fact, the events that take place, the action, and basically the entire movie could be true and could happen.  Many people might find themselves disappointed with parts of it.  This isn't like some of the movies or tv shows where people are doing things that could obviously never happen in real life or they have impossible endings.  In many ways, this is real.  This is what happens.  This is what the men and women of our country do for us.