How Strong Am I?

Ever have that moment where everything suddenly changes and you're trying to decide if something is worth doing after all?  That's kinda where I am.  My mom and I had talked about her going with me to Phoenix, AZ so I can audition for the Biggest Loser.  That way we could have some time off to hang out together and just get away at the same time that I was trying to get a place on the show.  Well, me being me, I kept forgetting to talk to her about it in more detail after our initial conversation.  It was one of those things that I would think about it when I was home and she wasn't and then when she got home I would forget.  I also just didn't see her much.  In any case, when I finally did talk to her about it several days ago, it turns out she thought I had changed my mind and she was going to be working Tuesday through Thursday, right when we were planning to be gone.  My first reaction was to be angry, which was stupid since it was my fault, and my second reaction was to completely freak out.

So basically after talking it over with my parents, I had two choices.  I could not go at all or I could go by myself.  And here is where I'm hung up.  First of all, the farthest I've ever driven by myself is about four hours to get to Portales where I went to school for a year.  But once I got there, I had a dorm room to go to and all.  Actually, I take that back, I've driven up to Silverton, but then again, my dogs were with me and I was going to meet my parents.  But I have never taken any kind of solo trip before, hence why I wanted my mom to come with me.  So right now, I'm kind of freaking out about whether this is something I can really do by myself.  I hate cities and Phoenix is huge.  I have never stayed at a hotel by myself much less had to check into one which ridiculous as it seems, does freak me out.  But being by myself in completely unfamiliar territory for two to three days is what really freaks me out.  So basically the last couple of days I've been weighing the pros and cons of it all in my head and I'm still not sure.  I think in the end, I'll probably go, it's just matter of getting the brave side of me to come out of hiding.

This really is an incredible opportunity and it would be good for me.  But the idea of being completely alone, really does scare me and make me want to just give it up.  Hopefully I'm strong enough to face my fears and make this work, cause honestly, it's not just a matter of wanting this, I really need this.