Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Believe in Me


More and more lately I’ve felt like I’ve been fighting for my dream alone.  More and more it seems like nobody believes in me, that I can succeed.  I’ll read things about people who talk about how there were always those people who told them, “I believe in you.”  All I get is the “you can accomplish anything you want to but you should have a backup plan if it doesn’t work out.”  Except it always sounds like they’re saying “when it doesn’t work out.”  And with my complete lack of any kind of self-confidence, every day is an exhausting battle of yes, I can do it and forget it, I’ll never be anything.  I sometimes wonder what I could do if even one person did tell me “I believe in you.”  I get that an acting career isn’t easy to get into, especially for someone like me, and I get that people are being practical when they tell me to have a backup plan.  I just need that one person who’ll pretty much say, “Screw them.  You can do it, I know you can.  I believe in you.”

But I’ve stopped believing that’ll ever happen.  The only person who will likely ever tell me that is myself.  And that’s the hardest part, because I really don’t believe in myself.  Maybe it’s time I started to cause unless someone believes, nothing’s going to happen.  Maybe it’s time that I took one of my favorite quotes to heart and when people imply I won’t make it, just turn around and tell them, “Watch me, watch me prove you all wrong.”  I’ve always been told that I shouldn’t be so stubborn, shouldn’t be so argumentative.  I’m starting to think that I should be stubborn, stubborn enough to keep trying no matter how many times I fall on my butt.  And when people try to argue that I can’t make it, instead of just smiling and nodding, maybe it’s time I told them that yes, I will make it.  Maybe I don’t need someone to believe in me, maybe for one in my life, I just need to believe in myself.  Now, watch me.

"There are so many people out there who tell you that you can't.  What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'Watch me'."

Layne Beachley

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