Starlight Tears

At the center of an island
Many oceans away
Where there is only night and never day,
A young maiden sits.
Her hair is pale as the moon
And her eyes as deep and dark as the heavens
She wears a stained white gown
And cries her starlight tears.

In His Time

So, yesterday I blogged that I had decided that it was high time that I turn back to God and give Him control of my life cause I just hadn't been doing that and I'd been doing my own thing. Well, yesterday, I was given the perfect example of God taking care of His people if the choose to follow Him. For months now, ever since I came back home from college, I have been searching for a job. I've turned in innumerable applications, spent hours on my computer filling out applications there, flipped through newspaper ads, gone online, etc. I've gone into town several days a week to go check out places and did everything I thought I could. Thanksgiving Day, my grandfather tells me that he saw in the newspaper that Smith's was hiring. It didn't say which Smith's just in general. He told me to go online and fill out an application. So, that night I filled out the application, fully excepting it to be overlooked like every single time before.

Out with the Old, In with the New

Recently, I've been struggling with a lot of stuff. Some pretty major emotional up and downs and changes. And finally, finally, today, I kind of just thought through things and decided that I really, really needed to get out of this rut that I've been digging myself into for years. I needed to turn around and give everything to God and let Him handle it. I also realized that part of the reason I was having such serious emotional issues, was because of my music. I'm a Christian, yes, but that doesn't mean that I only listen to Christian music. I've come to realize that little by little I had removed the majority of my Christian music from my MP3 player to make room for newer non-Christian music I had either heard our found. As I thought about it today, I realized that at least 3/4 of my music was not Christian, and about 1/2 of it was not edifying or really good in any way. I realized that I had started to subtly move towards some edgier music. Nothing explicit, but maybe a curse word here or there or a mild suggestion. But it was affecting me, and not in a good way.

The Gift of Friendship

There are many times when we take friends for granted. We assume they're always going to be there, that we'll be friends forever, that nothing will change or destroy that friendship. In one instant, in one act, you can lose the best friend you ever had. Over time, from petty little arguments and deeds, a friendship can fall apart. I've learned both of these from personal experience. And losing those friends, can be heart breaking. My dad always told me, that friendship is like a garden. You need to water it, to nurture it, to prune it to keep it healthy and to allow those plants to grow to their full potential. You need to have the initiative to take care of that garden and you need to be willing to give the time needed to care for it. It's exactly the same with friendship. You need to take care of that friendship, stay in contact, spend time together. When you don't any of that, the friendship starts to die. And there are times, when that friendship can't be revived.

I have personally had three friendships that died. God has been very gracious in giving me another chance with one of those friendships. Unfortunately, it seems like the other two might be gone forever.

Saying Goodbye

So tonight, unfortunately, was my last night with my youth group since I'll be heading back to college on Sunday. For me it's very hard to be leaving because I really have nothing to look forward to at Eastern except for my classes. I don't really have any friends there and since I'm really shy when I'm around people I don't know, I sometimes find it difficult to find friends. It also doesn't help that I have yet to find a good Bible Study group or church or anything. Here I have some pretty amazing friends, old and new. I have an awesome church that I absolutely love. I have my family all close by so I can go see them basically any time I want. So, needless to say, I'm going to very seriously miss home.

But, as in all things, God is faithful. This has been a very, very hard year so far and through it all, God has been there and has helped strengthen me. I have learned to trust Him in all things. I have been reminded that God has a plan and that, no matter how painful things get, no matter what happens, God does not make mistakes and there is something to be learned in everything. He has taught me patience in dealing with others. There have been times, especially when I was at school, when I have struggled with depression. Yet through it all, God has lifted me from the darkness and back into His glorious light, healing my heart and giving me strength.

First Time for Everything

So I had a bit of an accomplishment today albeit one that I did not intend or anything. In any case, I ended up going to work today with no makeup. Yeah, I know that probably doesn't seem like big deal but for me it is. I always wear makeup. It doesn't matter if I'm making a five minute run to the store, camping in a tent, working at building site, etc. I always wear at least some makeup. My thought has pretty much been me - makeup = blah and me + makeup = decent. So the fact that I actually went to work today with no makeup on and I seriously mean, no makeup whatsoever, was an accomplishment and it was nice. Though I admit I had a slight panic attack when I realized.

That's all I can think of to say. I'm too tired and my brain's not really working. I'll probably have something new tomorrow.

More Beautiful You

So I know this is going to be my second blog on the whole self-image topic, but it's something I've struggled with a lot so I talk about it some. In any case, I got thinking about it again today, or yesterday rather, when one of my facebook friends posted this song, More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz, as his facebook status. This is probably my favorite song of all time and it's one that I listen to pretty much every day or at least once or twice a week.

Mirror, Mirror

So I was on my way home from work today and I was listening to my MP3 player when it switched to a Barlow Girl song called Mirror, Mirror. The song is basically just about how when we look in the mirror we kind of ask it if we're living up to the standards of the world. Do we look like the world wants us to look. As the song goes on it says that the mirror doesn't define us, the world's standards don't define us. We were made in the perfect image of God and that's what matters.

Half A Year of Learning

So basically we're about half way through the year 2010. A little over half a year actually. On the one hand, it doesn't seem like a lot of time, but for me it's been almost seven months of a lot lessons learned. This is my first blog attempt and I'm basically doing it just as a way to just express thoughts, opinions, dreams, desires, etc.

So, just kind of a brief summary of the first half of this year. The first five months of this year were pretty much spent at college. Those five months were some of the most stressful, painful, worst, but also educational months I have ever had. Those five months, despite the fact that they were terrible helped me get a lot of things in perspective. I learned a lot about relationships, what's needed to make them work, things to do and not to do, and also they helped me to redefine the kind of guy I was looking for. I also learned some lessons with school. With all the pain and stress and self-doubt, I really let my classes slip, failing one class and not doing so well in others. The result was the lowest GPA score I had ever had and I almost lost one of my scholarships. So for me the lesson was that no matter how bad life is, when it comes to school, you leave all the bad stuff at the door and just get things done. The doubt, the pain and everything, you can't let that take over and ruin your life. You have to keep things under control, in perspective. The other thing about those months is that all the hardships drew me back to God. The school I attend does not have a very good Christian/church community and I never really developed any kind of close Christian friendships, so I found that I had started to slip away some. Those months made me run back to the one person I knew would always forgive me and take me back: Jesus. Since then I've been working at building my relationship with Christ and getting back into my Bible reading.