Open Eyes

So, as some of you all know, my family is moving back into town to a house that will allow my grandparents on my dad's side to come live with us. This move is what I was talking about in my last blog. Basically, just as I said then, I've been really, really struggling with it. What's made it worse is that a lot of people, particularly close friends, have been acting like it's not a really a big deal and I should just get over it. Not easy for me. I am a very emotional person and I get attached to things and people very quickly, and very easily. I have lived in this house for almost eight years. The best memories I have happened while we were living at this house. The best friend I ever had, our first dog, Shiloh, is buried in our backyard. This move means leaving him behind. There have been so many emotions going through that I've felt like I was being ripped apart. On the one hand there's the part of me that understands that we need to do this. My grandparents really do need our help, particularly my grandfather. It's being hammered home even now as my grandfather is in the hospital with the flu and is barely coherent. But then there's the selfish part of me that doesn't want to leave. That reminds me that this place we're going to is the last place I would ever want to live. Not just because of it's location which is bad enough, but also because it's so old and it doesn't feel like home. There's also the fact that this has all happened so fast that I'm still trying to process it. My life has become one endless cycle of work and packing. The only time I see any of my friends is on Sundays at church for a couple hours and most of that time is spent in the service and Sunday School, so there is very little time for interaction. And therein lies my other fear of moving. Already I feel as if my friends are slipping away as I barely see them anymore and when I do it feels like it's just hi and bye almost. And if I'm living in town, at least thirty minutes away from them, how is that going to affect our relationship.

This is a very brief summary of the million emotions that I've been dealing with almost every day for going on a month. I'm having difficulty seeing God's hand in all this and I've struggled a lot with anger at Him for what's going on. In my rebellion I stopped listening to the majority of my Christian music and listened to more of my secular music. But God has a way of getting his point across no matter how hard we try to ignore it or avoid it.

I bought a movie that I had seen on the Disney channel a couple weeks back while out of town called 16 Wishes. Basically it's about a girl who's written down 16 wishes for her sixteenth birthday and she is given the ability to make all those wishes come true. Inevitably, things don't go the way she's planned. At the part where she's essentially hit rock bottom, this song starts to play. It's one of those songs that's kind of sad, the tempo and tune never really change, but the chorus is filled with hope. For some reason this song kind of reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. I wanted to share it with you all. It's called Open Eyes by Debby Ryan.


Look around, it's dead at night
You've been losing every fight
You're hope is, feeling broken
You're feet are rough, they're scraped and bruised
But still have strength to take you through,
Into,
The dawn

(Chorus)
Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes

(X4)[Woah-oh-oh]

At the beach, the waves will crash
Tuck and grab and pull you back
The sun may, be covered in gray
The sand will itch the salt can burn
Hurricane will take it's turn
Until,
The dawn

(Chorus)
Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes

(X2)So close your eyes, shut them tight
Let it be, and it will fade away (fade away)
Push on though the strength in you
Let it be, and wish it all way
With open eyes,

Open wide,
It's all good now, watch it fade away,
Day by day

Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes


This song felt like it was written for me, like a message from God. He was telling me to keep pushing on. He knows it's really tough right now, but it's all part of His plan. When the clouds are gone and everything's clear, there will be sunlight again. This song has just been such a comfort for me. It's not a Christian song and it's not sung by a Christian artist, but God spoke to me through it and told me just what I needed to hear. That I will get through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.