My Grandpa, My Hero

Growing up, I had two main men in my life: my dad and my grandpa. My grandpa was there from the moment I was born. One of the first people to hold me and he was there almost every day afterward. There were times when I spent more time at my grandparents than at my own home. We did so many things together. It was my grandfather who taught me how to fish, to love being outside. I went camping with him and my grandmother and my parents countless times. He taught me how to ride a horse and taught me all about them. There were many times that we went riding with me sitting in front of him on the saddle. He gave me my love for horses. Together we must have put together at least a hundred puzzles, if not more, seeing who could put together the most pieces. Together we planted blackberries and raspberries, eagerly awaiting their fruit. Once, when we saw the Energizer Bunny balloon setting down in a clearing not far from their house, we ran to go see it and got to touch it. He took me on bike rides, he took me to the park. He joked and could always make me laugh. We played solitaire together and a hundred other games. He was my best friend. He saw me at my best and at my worst.

As the years went by, though, his health declined and our fishing trips and horseback rides stopped. But we still did puzzles, we still played games. After I graduated from high school, I went away to college which meant I saw my grandparents only when I happened to be home for the weekend or for the holidays.

However, this past fall, after I left college and came back home, I was able to spend several weeks with them, helping my grandmother around the house, doing little things, fixing meals, etc. Those days are precious to me now.

When I got my job at Portraits by LaDonna, my time with them became even less as for the first time, I was working a full time job. When we decided to move back into town so that we could live with my grandparents and help take care of them, it seemed like things were going to hopefully get better. Grandpa's health wasn't good at all and we thought that if we were there with them, we could help him get better. But then just this past week, my he took a fall and hit his head. When I got my mom's text, I thought the worst, but he was okay and that day we moved him into an assisted living place. We figured that would be a good place for him to be until all the paperwork for the new house was done and we could have him moved there. I hadn't seen my grandparents for several weeks prior to this. A combination of work and packing had left little time for anything else, not to mention the fact that I was sure that we were going to be living in the same house fairly soon and would have plenty of time together.

I had the opportunity though this past Saturday to run by the place he was staying and spend some time with both him and my grandmother. One of my aunt's also decided to have a get together the next day, Sunday. Unfortunately, I was only able to stay for a little over an hour and a half since I was supposed to be traveling for work later that day. I told my grandpa goodbye and said I would see him later, probably that next weekend. I had no idea that would be the last time I saw my grandfather alive.

I got a call from my parents yesterday morning, a little after six, only to be told that my grandpa had died in the middle of the night. It was like a living nightmare. I was in Carlsbad, the rest of my family was in Albuquerque. Fortunately there was a small plane heading to Albuquerque later that morning and I was able to catch it.

The rest of that day was awful. I had never lost a member of my family that I was close to. The fact that my grandpa had promised that he was going to get better and that he was going to live with us in our new house, only made it worse. It all seemed so impossible, especially since it seemed that he had been doing better. And I still feel so guilty that I didn't spend more time with him these last several weeks. And all the if only I'd done this statements keep running through my head. If only I'd spent more time with him, if only I hadn't been traveling, if only I hadn't been so reluctant about moving...would that have changed anything. I know it's going to take a long time to heal, but the one comfort I have is that he did become a Christian not too long ago. And I also know that he's no longer suffering, there's no more pain. So, I do know that I will see him again someday and he'll be completely healthy again, but that doesn't really make it any easier.

I love you, grandpa, and I hope that now that you're in heaven, you're riding horses again.