What the Devil Knows

What happens when school, extracurricular activities, and work all combine?  Well, for me, it means that I don't spend time reading my Bible and I make excuses not to go to church which means that my relationship with God seems to kind of flat-line.  Granted, the majority of the stress and work that keeps from reading my Bible comes from me procrastinating, but lately, it's been more a matter of I really do just have a ton of stuff going on and when I have a few moments that I don't have to be doing schoolwork or work or something else, I'm ashamed to say that reading my Bible is the last thing I want to do.  I want to pick up the book I just bought and start reading it, or watch the movie that I got ages ago, but haven't had the time to watch, or listen to some new music I found online, or, well, you get the idea.  And when it comes to church?  Most Sunday's there's so much other stuff I need to get done that it's just not practical for me to make the thirty plus minute drive out to Edgewood.  But on the other hand, I'm not exactly a fan of the church my parents are now attending.  Now, don't get me wrong, it's a great church.  I like the music, the pastor's good, the people are generally friendly, at least the few people who happen to notice me, but it's not home.  I don't know almost every single person there and love them like they're part of my immediate family almost.  I haven't been to almost all of their houses at some point or another.  They don't know anything about me and I don't know anything about them.  And for me, that unfamiliarity, is frightening.  I don't like meeting new people.  And I'm not good around people I don't know.

And the devil knows all of this.  He know my weakness and how to use it to keep me from God.  And I'm good at letting him distract me.  Those days when I do have a few moments of free time and it comes down to a decision between reading my Bible or doing something more recreational, when I can almost hear him whispering to me, telling me that I deserve to spend my time doing something fun and I can always read my Bible later, like that night.  And more often than not, I'll listen to that voice and I'll go read that book or watch that movie or listen to the music instead.  And when night comes around and I'm finally done with all I needed to get done and it's almost midnight or, most nights, after midnight, I'm far too tired to even consider trying to read my Bible.  As for church, he's equally good at convincing me to ditch going with my parents, confirming the thoughts that are already there.  Telling me that I don't belong there, nobody understands me or wants to know me, that I'm just the fat girl everyone's disgusted by.  He knows my weaknesses and my deepest fears and he uses those to keep me from God.

And, yes, the devil, Satan, is a powerful enemy, but my God is far more powerful than he and He holds me in His hands.  And though Satan tempts me and oftentimes succeeds, God still loves me and accepts me back every time.  But is God's never ending grace an excuse for me to continue to sin?  The apostle Paul asked the same question and answered it with a resounding "no"!  It is far past time for me to shake off Satan's hold on me and to ignore his whispered lies that feed the lies I already tell myself.  It is time to return to God and to use every moment I have glorifying Him.