I Dreamed A Dream

When people are fighting to reach their dreams, I think there comes a time for everyone when they hit a patch where it just seems impossible.  There is just no way that they can succeed and they are filled with doubt.  And there are also times when the dream just starts to fade.  Its there, but the bright, vivid colors that used to make it up, that made it so obvious have dimmed.

I hit that patch recently with my acting career.  It wasn't a really bad patch or anything, but the dream had started to dim.  So basically what I needed was something to jolt the life back into it, to re-inspire me to throw myself at it again.  And the way I got that jolt, was rather surprising to me.

The Beauty of Music

I love music.  I think I've mentioned before how my mood can be affected depending on what I'm listening to which generally means that I listen to fairly happy music.  Some of my favorite music though comes from soundtracks.  I think over half my music library is solely made up movie soundtracks and probably half to three-quarters of those are strictly instrumental.  I love vocal music and how uplifting the lyrics can be and those are the songs that really affect my mood depending on whether the lyrics are happy or sad.  But my favorite music is strictly instrumental because 1) no matter what song it is it makes me happy and 2) it inspires and uplifts me like no other kind of music.  I have a few friends who have known me long enough to know that when I'm listening to music and my eyes are closed, I'm listening to one of my soundtracks.  Because those songs don't just inspire and uplift, they also make my imagination run wild.

I Chose This

 (Brief random warning: This is my kind of defying the world speech, just so you know.)

More and more I'm discovering that the career I've chosen is probably one of the toughest out there.  Not necessarily physically or mentally or anything like that, but emotionally.  When you work so hard to try to get that part in that play or movie that you really want and you feel like you've done a good job and then you find that it was all for nothing, it's crushing.  You feel like a failure.  Or, at least I do.  But what if that's what you love, if that's your passion?  You keep going.  You cry those tears and then you pick yourself up and keep going, keep trying hoping that in the end, all your hard work will eventually pay off.  I've known that this was going to be a hard road, filled with a lot of disappointment and pain.  I've always considered myself to be a fairly strong person, able to push back the pain, the tears and put that smile on my face even when I felt like I was falling to pieces.  My choice of career is going to test that.  Am I going to be strong enough to suffer disappointment after disappointment and still be able to pick myself up and keep going?  Is my determination enough to get me through?  And with that, do I have the strength and will to finally begin the seemingly impossible task of losing all the weight I have to lose to try to fit in to the skinny world of Hollywood.  I've had people tell me that I'm choosing the easy career, that it doesn't really take any kind of effort to act.  But it does.  It's already tested me in so many ways.  So many people don't understand what it's like to get inside the head of a character, to become someone you're not.  I can do this and I will.  I'm going to prove to the world that I am strong enough to do this.  I can become one of those skinny Hollywood girls and I will.  Just watch me!